Note: I wrote this piece some three years back, adding a little more to it and posting here. Suicide. I think when you kill your conscience, and stop listening to it. You commit a suicide.
“I am planning to jump off the roof.”
“Planning again ?”
“yeah, yeah again, and this time I am Firm.”
“Oh, We’ll see…”
She rested her palm softly onto the wooden slab of the table and slightly leaned forward.
“Look, I am no good”
“You never were”
Eyes grew wide in exasperation. Color rushed to her cheeks.
“Yes. Yes! I deserve to be killed”
“I didn’t say that”
Pupil dilated in frustration.
“Oh yea? I can listen to all what you say and what you don’t”
“Sigh! You never could”
“There was always a guardian angel for you, you never looked back”
“And I never will” she spit out.
“When? When what?”
“When – when you are jumping off?”
“Jumping? Uh, Tonight. Yes Tonight. Tonight”
“Why?” she decided to give it a second thought.
“Yes. Go ahead.”
“Because loneliness delves deep into me and I am tired of talking to the lifeless bricks of the wall of my room; because I’m rejected as a person, as a girl, as a sibling, as a daughter as a lover, as a student!! I only wonder if my creater doesnt reject me as a creation. Because it is terrible knowing it all but unable to change anything, because I am the one shunned behind and everyone is so reluctant to give me whatever I deserve, if I deserve at all” she shuddered and a few tears lingered on her jaw, they fell to make the little room wet.
“Hmm” she nodded, not a very polite one, neither rude.
“Because my words have ended, lost, forgotten, burnt and ashes. I have no words, which I used to utter with the fleeting characters on the screen, I always watch shows with the tune mute, and I always make dialogs for the moving people. Do you listen? does anyone listen? do you care? does anyone care? do you love? Does anyone love??” she held her head in her palms.
“Ahh!” she uttered a mournful sigh.
“All the gratuitous Insults, the entire appalling demeanor… as if I am crumbling in the filthy slush-pile! The inferiority complex swallowing me, I’ve lost confidence in the only thing I was so confident of, Myself!” she lurched, and shivered terribly.
She bit her lower lip in anger, stared at her.
“You were never a help, you never Will as well.”
And she, within micro seconds, grabbed the cologne bottle, and threw it towards her.
Some glass broke.
Then she stared at her, some jagged pieces of freshly broken mirror seemed to be glimpsing back. She turned towards the door, and rushed out of the room, never to come back again.