Author Archives: Asbah Alaena

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About Asbah Alaena

I’m Asbah. A servant of Allah who is a muslim by birth and choice, Accountant by way of studies, an artist at heart and a Unschooling mom to 5 kids. This blog had been my major writing rendezvous when I was young but post Gaza things have take a different turn. I hope to write more about our unconventional life choices specially in todays day and age.

Depression, addiction and post Ramadan slump

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Story time guys; around 50-60 years ago when scientists were studying “addiction” they took a rat, put him in a cage and supplied it with two streams of water; one was regular and other was drugged water laced with cocaine/heroin and similar sort of drugs. They found out the Rat almost always took the drugged water and they overdosed and ultimately killed itself.

SO they concluded. Addiction is normal. If given a choice people will always choose to be addicted/drugged etc.

Then there was another scientist, Dr Bruce Alexander, around 50 years ago who said wait a minute; this rat is in a cage. And that’s abnormal situation. So he made another cage called the rat park. Where he put multiple rats in a fun place, they were given food, they were free to roam and play; they had toys – and they had the same access to two types of water; plain and drugged. They found out that rats living in rat park almost always opted for plain water. Even if they tried the drugged water they never overdosed!

COMMUNITY/being loved/feeling belonged BEATS THE POWER OF DRUGS!


Before I tell you why I shared this story with you; reply back and tell me what insight you get from this? What stood out for you! What will you better/different with this knowledge?

So why I shared this story? In the last week there was one topic that stood out in all the conversations I have had – Depresssion / lonliness / depressive symptoms.

In all the calls that I have had with people of my family, some of my very close friends, in the groups that I am a part of, our local community socials, the Clients calls I have had and even some of the emails I have received from you guys.

It was about depressive feelings. Lethargy, Inaction! Distant from Allah swt!


Subhan Allah, it is becoming so rampant. We as a community are feeling grief, and justifiably so! But Depression! Its like an epidemic and every other person is suffering from similar symptoms. Its just too much guys 😦

Okay before we continue further; I want you to skim through the short essay I wrote on dangers of AI, Just to make sense of it all (I later made a reel out of that essay too):

Look at this comic:

Reply back and tell me what do you think about it! I think Huda does tell us the essence of AI.

 We know we live in the age of deception and AI probably is and will likely become the tool of Dajjal! Given that background; these are the 5 Biggest of dangers of AI in my opinion, more than just stealing/loss of jobs etc.

  1. Loss of human connection. (AND THIS IS THE BIG ONE GIRLS) We are already struggling with this in age of SM; it will likely get extremely worsen with AI and chatbots! Which will lead to more isolation and hence easily corruptible people! lone sheep! Easy followers. Easy army of Dajjal (just read an article on a teen suicide after he was desperately in love with an AI chatbot!!!! And its just the start!)
  1. loss of connection with our own selves; There is a verse in quran where Allah SWT mentions that lack of self-awareness was a punishment from Allah.

(59:19)

وَلَا تَكُونُوا۟ كَٱلَّذِينَ نَسُوا۟ ٱللَّهَ فَأَنسَىٰهُمْ أَنفُسَهُمْ ۚ أُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ هُمُ ٱلْفَـٰسِقُونَ ١٩

And do not be like those who forgot Allah, so He made them forget themselves. It is they who are ˹truly˺ rebellious.

unawareness from our own selves to the point that the AI would know us better than our own selves! This is extremely dangerous; And all the repercussion of that!

  1. Loss of truth and ability to distinguish truth from falsehood! Literally Dajal! Deception! And AI is getting exceptionally better at mixing falsehood and truth!

 On every level possible! And its kind of scary tbh

  1. Next is well we are all feeding this machine with our data- specially us Muslims! What will it become capable of! We know its not neutral; its not all Good! The evils and horrible possibilities of this “knowing” is scary; specially when we know that AI might be A big tool of dajjal.
  1. Lastly; Rapid control and Rapid dumbing down of masses! AI is massivly used to students and teachers; for reserches and what not! We are losing our abilities/rationale and thinking super fast while While getting addicted to it! (This is also a big one! Stupid people are again easy followers, easy army of dajjal).

SO what to do?

  1. This dua! Make it a lot.

اللهم ارنا الحق حقاً وارزقنا اتباعه وارنا الباطل باطلا وارزقنا اجتنابه

Allahumma arinal haqqa haqqaw warzuqnat tiba’ah, wa arinal batila batilaw warzuqnaj tinabah

Translation: O Allah! show us the truth as true, and inspire us to follow it. Show us falsehood as falsehood, and inspire us to abstain from it.

  1. If you are using AI; be careful. Be intelligent about it! Be awake and informed about it; We can not let these algorithms shaping our hearts and corrupting our souls.
  1. And if you can – just be away from. We DO NOT need to have the most latest technologies and gadgets. And know that all that ease comes at a cost. (remember ease and difficulties goes hand in hand) the cost could be environmental, physical, emotional and/or spiritual for you! So consider these before using these stuff.
  1. Lastly; its scary but we wont let fear run our lives. We know if these are the trials Allah swt sent our way; there Must be many strengths He SWT has already placed in us too. So Insha Allah we will lean into those.
  1. Most importantly lets Nurture our relationships,  – with ourselves/Allah/our families/our communities and with nature as well.  Back to the two points we discussed in last email. A) Action.

B) Community

Invest your time/energy/resources in it! It literally like our only possibly way to be able to survive and even thrive in these current situations. If WE MUST RESIST all that this world is forcing on us, THERE HAS TO BE A COMMUNITY TO SUPPORT US.

No wonder islam is such a communal religion. No wonder in order to recover from any addictions, whether food/SM/drugs we must become an active part of some community.

Better if it’s a community that reminds you of Allah swt. I could not find one myself for so long so I created it here (and also work to be an active member of the physical community we have where I live).

This email group is one community; RY course attendees (Reclaimers) are a community; I also run a small more close knit community where we meet daily and work on our progress and I will be starting another group coaching session from next week.

It is a paid one which I have kept budget friendly at $50 per month or $150 in all, and even if that’s not what you can manage right now and want to be part of my inner community reply back and we will find a way insha Allah.

This round we will exclusively work on strengthening ourselves physically/emotionally/spiritually, detaching from the dunia, people pleasing, and raising strong independent kids.

One last thing; how does coaching work?

  1. If you are in a haze and not sure about things; my coaching brings clarity Insha Allah.
  2. If you have some clarity but no action steps; I help you breakdown your goal in actionable steps.
  3. If you have the clarity and even have actionable steps; I offer you the support you need to stay motivated and continue working towards your goal

And at the same time working together to be better people from all angles.

Hit reply and let me know what stood out for you and how else can I help you?

In the next post insha Allah we will discuss more on depressive symptoms and how we are people of action and how feelings follow actions.

Till then,

Love and dua

Asbah

From Pain to Purpose. Story of how AMUSLIMMAMA was born.

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Asalamualikum wrwb

This is Asbah here From Amuslimmama. I made my $1000 signature course free now (why did I make it free? Will share later, insha Allah.). You can join it here and access all the video lessons and an intensive worksheet for free: https://asbahalaena.systeme.io/register.

Really, no gimmick. The self-paced version of the whole course, with all the videos, activities, duas, worksheets and other material can be accessed simply by clicking above. Dont forget to send me duas though.

So, what was the server change and why it happen? For that you’ll need to understand a little bit of  a background.

If you have been following me for a while you may know it already, but now – let me share my story with you guys; specially the post marriage one!

Around 8 years ago; at the lowest state of my life wrt health, relations, emotions and iman- I decided to start somewhere and take at least one thing seriously.

It was Iman for me.

Now, I had been practicing for a long time but post marriage and two kids; Depression kind of engulfed me.

Life became rushed.

Salahs became hollow.

Crying became louder.

Screaming became often.

Complaining became the norm.

Staying up most of the night overthinking became a ritual.

So, one day after having a rough day with kids and screaming at my two toddlers; I started having serious Mom guilt, but before that let me tell you what preceded all of that.

I always wanted to be a mom. Always. Ever since I remember. Never voiced it out loud in my teens though, I was scared to be shamed! In a society where you gotta be a doctor or lawyer or engineer. I wanted to be a mom.

Even after I qualified my Chartered Accountancy as one of very few (less than 1000) women in Pakistan.

The only thing I wanted was to be a mom. 

And I knew I would be a great mom. 

I loved kids, and wanted to have many of them.

But after I qualified, I also wanted to pursue my career, make money, be financially independent, go to work, deal with clients, accounting and auditing gave me a strange kind of adrenaline pump. And I loved that too.

So back to that night when I was crying and soaking my pillow silently; Between two tiny bodies sleeping peacefully.

I decided that was enough. Something must change. 

Two crazy things had also happened a week before.

One day after my husband left; I just sat down in the corner of the room and cried.

I felt like a loser.

Wasting my life and my hard earned high end degree into what? Changing diapers?

Feeding, cooking and cleaning? And on repeat! That too for FREE?? 

What a waste!

I was slaving away for my kids and husbands and I hated it!

I was “sacrificing” my dreams of making money and being corporate because of my kids and husband.

I felt like a victim!

I felt terrible. Worthless. A FAILLURE! 

And I totally blamed my husband and kids for it. 

 I envied my husband who was able to step out of the house; go to a workplace- work what he wanted to work on, make & had money, was able to choose a lot because he was financially independent, and was able to strike an adult conversation whenever he wanted.

I was exactly the opposite of all that. 

STUCK at home.

STUCK in the chaos.

STUCK with kids. 

STUCK in the vicious cycle of cooking, feeding, cleaning.

STUCK in my bankruptcy!

I felt miserable for myself.

I felt resentment for my kids.

I felt terrible anger for my husband!

And I cried. 

No I think that day, I was wailing out loud! Allah o akbar.

My kids were playing closeby; 2&1. 

They both stopped and one after another came to hug me. 

My 2 year old wiped my tears; She held me, comforted me, tried to say things like; “you are brave” and “its okay” etc

She was also trying hard to understand what happened and why was I crying.

My 1 yo, looked at me and started crying himself. 

And Man that was hard!

Seeing my kids absorbing my grief. 

Seeing them comfort me, verses other way round.

And most importantly, I didn’t want my kids to see me like this;

Weak, miserable and breaking! 

So something happened and my desire to change was born.

The next thing happened another day the same week; I was screaming at my kids out of my frustration. Two tiny babies scared and snuggling one another bundling together at the end of the sofa! Scared! Hiding from someone who they should feel most protected with!

And I was screaming gibberish when my daughter uttered something like mama is a monster!

Ah! That stabbed me hard!

Yes, I was becoming a monster!

And I would not let it keep happening! 

After these two events; that night; between my kids, I decided to hold onto my iman.

And I restarted my salah, worked on my focus and in a few days even became regular at Tahajjud too.

Now I had no idea what to do, how to change, where to begin. So every Tahajjud, I would cry and ask Allah swt to help me and guide me. Slowly things begin happening, I found a coach, invested all that I had and started working with her. I also started reading self-help books, youtube videos. Started Islamic courses. 

One day one of my dear friends suggested that I resume writing, which I stopped after marriage. (I have been writing in magazines, journals and blogs for almost 2.5 decades now!).

It was a great Idea – and hence Amuslimmama.com was born. It was a “burqa-clad brainy mama’s adventure”). I wrote my heart out, I crafted with my kids and blogged about it and it started to get traction.

I also noticed my life slowly flipping. There was a purpose. There was light, I was getting better. 

The sun started peeking, the darkness started to lessen! My kids laughters became more and loud. I started smiling more.

Life started to get into some direction.

I was still much clueless, So I started asking this one specific dua in my Tahajjud; “Ya Allah, please give me MY thing, something that keeps me up at night out of sheer joy, something that Excites me to my core and allow it to reach & Benefit thousands of muslim women”,

See, I am a giver. I love to give. And The biggest thing I wanted to give was impact. To be able to help others like I was helped. So I started making this dua, and 

I thought my blog would become viral.

Instead I started comic creating and illustrating and thats how AMuslimmamacomics were born!

which did end up reaching tens of thousands of Muslim women!

Alhamdolilah!

Next Time Insha Allah I would like to share what happened next.

How Amuslimmama comics became the coaching practice that it was. 

And then back to AMuslimMama that I hope it would become.

Till then, Reply back and let me know if you were able to resonate with me?

What have you done that has worked?

What do you aim now?

And obviously – grab the course, say Bismillah and start.

Some videos may refer to Kajabi (thats not the platform I use anymore), or talk about live sessions etc. Remember it was once a part of a very structured  $1000 course, so please ignore all this and take benefit of the short lessons and obviously the worksheets.

If you have any questions etc, just feel free to reach back.

If you managed to read it till here, Sis This is a SIGN, an Omen, a Divine Guidance insha Allah.

You have nothing to lose!

Join in. https://asbahalaena.systeme.io/register.

May this be a start of a remarkable life and after life for you! Ameen

Love and dua

Till next time

Asbah

Nurturing the Love of Allah in Children’s Hearts

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 By Amal Al-Sibai  

“The more you know Allah, the more you will love Him.” Imam Al-Ghazali 

As Muslim parents, our aim is to show the way for our children to worship Allah out of love and out of yearning for His boundless mercy and forgiveness. We will not be with our children at every moment of their lives to remind them to pray, to read Qur’an, to supplicate, and to stop them from falling into sin. However, the love of Allah, once it sparks in their hearts, will always be there and become their inner voice. No matter how far away they may stray from the path in their desire for independence from us, curiosity to experiment, and during the tumultuous developmental changes of adolescence, this faith in Allah and nearness to Him will bring them back, Insha Allah.

Anas bin Malik reported that Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said, “There are three qualities whoever has them, will taste the sweetness of Iman: To love Allah and His Messenger more than anyone else; to love a slave (of Allah) only for (the sake of) Allah; and to hate returning to infidelity after Allah has saved him from it as he would hate to be thrown into the fire.” 

We need to give our children the opportunity to taste this sweetness of Iman. The first step towards loving Allah more is knowing more about Him, and one way to do that is by understanding Allah’s Beautiful Names and Attributes. 

In fact, Allah wants us to know Him and to know His Beautiful Names and Attributes. Allah’s Divine Names and Attributes appear again and again on virtually every page of the Holy Qur’an. In the opening chapter of the Qur’an, the surah we read 17 times a day in our five daily prayers, we are reminded that Allah is Ar-Rahman, Ar-Raheem. Have we really pondered the magnitude of Allah’s mercy upon us, both in this world and in the akhirah? 

Teaching children these Names and what they mean, may be the best we can do to ensure the health and vitality of our children’s spiritual hearts.  

And as any parent knows, teaching children in a fun and joyful environment is far more effective than having them rigidly sit down and listen to a long lecture. That is why we have developed matching cards, for a memory game of the Beautiful Names of Allah. The cards provide hours of family fun, while encouraging learning. Have a go at the memory game, but don’t be disappointed, your kids will undoubtedly win! They have an amazing ability to focus and memorize. Another alternative is to play trivia with all family members. Call out Allah’s Name in Arabic and ask players to identify the English meaning of Allah’s Name, and then vice versa. Some families have opted to use the cards to create a mural on the family room wall, so kids constantly see and soak in Allah’s Beautiful Names. There’s a whole lot of different ways to use these cards!  

Add your love, creativity, and a large bowl of popcorn, and you have just found the perfect activity for Friday family game night! Whether you homeschool your children or simply supplement Islamic education at home, your family will find our resources very useful inshaAllah. Be sure to take advantage of the free printables up on our website as well as online games and quizzes.  www.faithfulkids.net 

Struggling with Salah?

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if you are like me, you struggle with salah.

Before I was married it was so different, I was pretty consistent and then marriage and 3 babies later – I find myself skipping salah or rushing them, and I wanted to fix it.

i had been making Zikr and dua and Alhamdolilah ended up taking this awesome course by @define360 in the module 1 br Wadud talked about

Mindful salah is important, but why is it important? And how to be mindful in salah? .

  • While praying we face Qiblah – it is an emblem of being connected to the epicenter of Muslims – Kabbah!
  • Do you know angels surround people when they are mindfully praying or remembering Allah and angels bring Sakeenah (peace) with them?
  • And the best part and most amazing part is that while all the commands of worship like charity or fasting was sent down of Prophet Muhammad saw by angel Jibreel AS, Allah swt called Prophet Muhammad PBUH up on the Heavens, very close to him to Gift Him PBUH and us, Salah! .So while Prophet Muhammud PBUH got up to the heaven to meet Allah swt (Miraj) all of us Muslims can pray our Salah and be in Allah’s meeting hence salah is Momins Miraj!

Salah is the most important element of our faith, it is the discerning factor between Muslims and non Muslims! .

May Allah swt bless us enough to be able to guard our salah and pray mindfully Ameen!

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How to be mindful about our Salah?

These are 6 points by Imam Ghazali as explained by brother Wadud (@define360 ) I n the Mindful salah Khutbah – he added “gratitude” to the list as well! So 7 points.

👑 doing a mindful Wudu believing that the water is washing away the sin. Taking time to clean yourself properly. Reciting the Duas (more on this later INSHA Allah)

👑 Having a firm intention, you don’t need specific words though, just intending to mindfully pray salah! And if your mind wanders in salah, REMEMBER every ALLAH O AKBAR. In salah is to redirect your focus back to salah.

👑 understanding what you are saying in salah is also one step to be mindful! We utter words out of habit in salah and often pray rushed salah because of that.

👑 know that you are standing in front of Allah, be attentive, have respect and awe of How Majestic Allah swt is – imagine going to the president/king and talking to them – now think you are talking to the King of all Kings Allah!

👑 While you are in the awe of Allah, keep the hope from Allah alive as well, keep the love of Allah as well.

👑 be grateful that Allah swt gave you the Tawfiq (chance) to stand in front of him and pray; Alhamdolilah .

. 👑 lastly, have some haya (shame) to be mindful! It’s Allah that you are standing in front of! And Allah is all seeing, all hearing!!! Allah KNOWS!!!

SubhanAllah they benefit me a lot, I’m slowly trying to built up my salah! And I hope these points help you all as well. .DF7DA21A-12DF-44FE-868D-6B9D9E973B60

Children heal us.

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My Guest post at Niqaab Hub: https://niqaabhub.com/kids-heal-grieving-heart/#comment-107

Let Our Children Be The Coolness Of Our Eyes And Heal Our Grieving Heart

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Back then, there was a saying that goes ‘it takes a village to raise a child’ .

Those days, the responsibility of raising a child was considered to be a joint effort for each and everyone that knew him.

This included his grand parents, teachers, extended family and society and community at large.

However, over time the concept of joint extended families slowly disappeared. The burden of rearing a child has fall solely onto the shoulders of both parents.

Raising a child in today’s millenial age is becoming very stressful. The difficulty increases manifold if a mother is parenting a child or children single handedly, in the absence of the father. Continue reading →

Practicing Love.

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So this marks the first step of me Drawing comics myself on a software. How cool is that? 😀

Okay, so I really wanted to do something like this for a very long time. I feel, sometimes, people who do not believe in celebrating ‘Days’ usually do not believe in celebrating life at all. They go on saying that ‘love is not confined to Valentine or mothers day etc’ but they don’t do anything special for any other day for the rest of the year as well. That’s kind of ironic.

Having said that, well I do not endorse or believe in Valentine day at all because of all the reasons! I believe in the Prophetic Tradition instead 🙂

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