Asalamualikum wrwb

This is Asbah here From Amuslimmama. I made my $1000 signature course free now (why did I make it free? Will share later, insha Allah.). You can join it here and access all the video lessons and an intensive worksheet for free: https://asbahalaena.systeme.io/register.

Really, no gimmick. The self-paced version of the whole course, with all the videos, activities, duas, worksheets and other material can be accessed simply by clicking above. Dont forget to send me duas though.

So, what was the server change and why it happen? For that you’ll need to understand a little bit of  a background.

If you have been following me for a while you may know it already, but now – let me share my story with you guys; specially the post marriage one!

Around 8 years ago; at the lowest state of my life wrt health, relations, emotions and iman- I decided to start somewhere and take at least one thing seriously.

It was Iman for me.

Now, I had been practicing for a long time but post marriage and two kids; Depression kind of engulfed me.

Life became rushed.

Salahs became hollow.

Crying became louder.

Screaming became often.

Complaining became the norm.

Staying up most of the night overthinking became a ritual.

So, one day after having a rough day with kids and screaming at my two toddlers; I started having serious Mom guilt, but before that let me tell you what preceded all of that.

I always wanted to be a mom. Always. Ever since I remember. Never voiced it out loud in my teens though, I was scared to be shamed! In a society where you gotta be a doctor or lawyer or engineer. I wanted to be a mom.

Even after I qualified my Chartered Accountancy as one of very few (less than 1000) women in Pakistan.

The only thing I wanted was to be a mom. 

And I knew I would be a great mom. 

I loved kids, and wanted to have many of them.

But after I qualified, I also wanted to pursue my career, make money, be financially independent, go to work, deal with clients, accounting and auditing gave me a strange kind of adrenaline pump. And I loved that too.

So back to that night when I was crying and soaking my pillow silently; Between two tiny bodies sleeping peacefully.

I decided that was enough. Something must change. 

Two crazy things had also happened a week before.

One day after my husband left; I just sat down in the corner of the room and cried.

I felt like a loser.

Wasting my life and my hard earned high end degree into what? Changing diapers?

Feeding, cooking and cleaning? And on repeat! That too for FREE?? 

What a waste!

I was slaving away for my kids and husbands and I hated it!

I was “sacrificing” my dreams of making money and being corporate because of my kids and husband.

I felt like a victim!

I felt terrible. Worthless. A FAILLURE! 

And I totally blamed my husband and kids for it. 

 I envied my husband who was able to step out of the house; go to a workplace- work what he wanted to work on, make & had money, was able to choose a lot because he was financially independent, and was able to strike an adult conversation whenever he wanted.

I was exactly the opposite of all that. 

STUCK at home.

STUCK in the chaos.

STUCK with kids. 

STUCK in the vicious cycle of cooking, feeding, cleaning.

STUCK in my bankruptcy!

I felt miserable for myself.

I felt resentment for my kids.

I felt terrible anger for my husband!

And I cried. 

No I think that day, I was wailing out loud! Allah o akbar.

My kids were playing closeby; 2&1. 

They both stopped and one after another came to hug me. 

My 2 year old wiped my tears; She held me, comforted me, tried to say things like; “you are brave” and “its okay” etc

She was also trying hard to understand what happened and why was I crying.

My 1 yo, looked at me and started crying himself. 

And Man that was hard!

Seeing my kids absorbing my grief. 

Seeing them comfort me, verses other way round.

And most importantly, I didn’t want my kids to see me like this;

Weak, miserable and breaking! 

So something happened and my desire to change was born.

The next thing happened another day the same week; I was screaming at my kids out of my frustration. Two tiny babies scared and snuggling one another bundling together at the end of the sofa! Scared! Hiding from someone who they should feel most protected with!

And I was screaming gibberish when my daughter uttered something like mama is a monster!

Ah! That stabbed me hard!

Yes, I was becoming a monster!

And I would not let it keep happening! 

After these two events; that night; between my kids, I decided to hold onto my iman.

And I restarted my salah, worked on my focus and in a few days even became regular at Tahajjud too.

Now I had no idea what to do, how to change, where to begin. So every Tahajjud, I would cry and ask Allah swt to help me and guide me. Slowly things begin happening, I found a coach, invested all that I had and started working with her. I also started reading self-help books, youtube videos. Started Islamic courses. 

One day one of my dear friends suggested that I resume writing, which I stopped after marriage. (I have been writing in magazines, journals and blogs for almost 2.5 decades now!).

It was a great Idea – and hence Amuslimmama.com was born. It was a “burqa-clad brainy mama’s adventure”). I wrote my heart out, I crafted with my kids and blogged about it and it started to get traction.

I also noticed my life slowly flipping. There was a purpose. There was light, I was getting better. 

The sun started peeking, the darkness started to lessen! My kids laughters became more and loud. I started smiling more.

Life started to get into some direction.

I was still much clueless, So I started asking this one specific dua in my Tahajjud; “Ya Allah, please give me MY thing, something that keeps me up at night out of sheer joy, something that Excites me to my core and allow it to reach & Benefit thousands of muslim women”,

See, I am a giver. I love to give. And The biggest thing I wanted to give was impact. To be able to help others like I was helped. So I started making this dua, and 

I thought my blog would become viral.

Instead I started comic creating and illustrating and thats how AMuslimmamacomics were born!

which did end up reaching tens of thousands of Muslim women!

Alhamdolilah!

Next Time Insha Allah I would like to share what happened next.

How Amuslimmama comics became the coaching practice that it was. 

And then back to AMuslimMama that I hope it would become.

Till then, Reply back and let me know if you were able to resonate with me?

What have you done that has worked?

What do you aim now?

And obviously – grab the course, say Bismillah and start.

Some videos may refer to Kajabi (thats not the platform I use anymore), or talk about live sessions etc. Remember it was once a part of a very structured  $1000 course, so please ignore all this and take benefit of the short lessons and obviously the worksheets.

If you have any questions etc, just feel free to reach back.

If you managed to read it till here, Sis This is a SIGN, an Omen, a Divine Guidance insha Allah.

You have nothing to lose!

Join in. https://asbahalaena.systeme.io/register.

May this be a start of a remarkable life and after life for you! Ameen

Love and dua

Till next time

Asbah