I reckon, with precise confidence that a level called negative infinity exists. I know because it is my abode, because, I dwell there.
For long I have been delving deep to peel off the fake confinement, I have sentenced myself, in the re-living. I have been fidgeting with the retrospection – living backwards.
So, the days bounce back, the clock un-wind, the time revise, and I find myself tracing my footsteps, I find myself reversing.
Back to where I started off, from where I thought I had escaped, from that I thought I would never get back, but it is like moving in circles, the point zero returns, sooner or later.
I am lingering in the magic of moments, in sheer delight of microseconds, in the gem of ephemeral time.
Magic seconds loiter in the secret corners of your room, which had you once in their trance, bewitched you, beguiled you and you thought it would be forever. But forever only last too quick for senses to comprehend the duration, to quantify the ‘how much’ too quick, too fleeting, a moment when you felt that you’re passing through happiness, this time not as a spectator, it daintily brushed with your skin and in that particular split second, you breathed glee, you drank delight, sniffed the smiles, lived happiness and in that rare exhilarating moment, you surpassed life.
What ever I do is prone to mistake. Sheer quantity of more than half of the things I do bear the inevitable fate of falling out, of place, of time, of order and of correction. I am just too capable of losing my things, my senses, my heart, my head, my bits and chunks.
I curl in humiliation, like toe nail, like a broken fetus, I think I am embarrassment personified. And I lose at the speed of light, having lost a continent and two rivers I still posses the ability to repeat it, over and over again.
I dig deep in my sanity, only to find blatant madness – insanity perforating through my skin and out. Heaps and piles; of insane dreams, insane desires, insane nights, insane me.
I’ve promised that this time I will not sell my dreams, I will not bid for my words, I will not send you my hopes adorned in a casket, I will not let you venture in my forbidden arena of desires. This time, I have promised, I will survive.
(these are just emotions, jam packed in me.. so tried this new genre… hope you guys like it!