I am a woman, a wife, a mommy and a human being. And that being said I proved I have survived heart aches.
Years ago when I first realized that there is something missing in my heart, a strange feeling of being incomplete, a craving of being loved despite the flaws and shortcomings I have – I thought this is the sign of my coming to age, my time to look for a potential mate.
So instead of looking deeper into the pain to understand it, like anyone else, I looked for a spouse instead. This is the mistake majority of people are guilty of making. They have this agony of knowing that they are so incomplete and imperfect and still want to have a perfect companion, a perfect love story and a perfect life. Their hearts have borne the pains and hardships in the past, it has suffered from the torments of circumstances and they – with the bruised heart, kept on looking for ‘this special someone’ hoping that this person will be a soul mate, a magician, a super hero to take them to their Happily ever after.
Women expect the same too, so at this particular juncture of life, when Mr. Perfect comes her way, she dutifully hands her broken, wounded, empty and incomplete heart to him. Presuming he knows it all before hand, expecting he will just take and heal it in a minute like a *pop*.
Sadly, well, life doesn’t work this way. He would probably be equally unfazed and clueless of what to do with her heart and love and bare emotions. And who knows if he was carrying an equally or more broken heart and had been expecting the same from her too.
The reality is that we are mere mortal. We do not possess the ability to calm and sooth the tormented heart of another person. And this is a hard realization, so women who hand over their hearts to men suffer – they suffer mostly because they had given men the reins to take them, and their emotions, where ever men wanted to. They suffer because they had made ‘men’ and ‘men’s opinion of themselves’ as a prime focus of their lives and their priorities.
And although us women are notorious for being thankless, Humans, in general, are ungrateful and unkind. They are forgetful and are prone to taking everything for granted as well.
Islam acknowledges that women (and their hearts) are delicate and it doesn’t want us to hand it to anyone who may be reckless about it. It liberates us women.
Allah SWT doesn’t want us to take men as role models, look up to them and aspire to be like them. Or having them to judge us and our capabilities or even define them. They are our guides in this world, our companions to help us die a better death (pun intended) for a better tomorrow.
It is Allah SWT whom we should take as our real COMPANION. He tells us that He loves us more than our mothers. He loves us despite knowing every tiny morsel about us and He is the best of Appreciators. He appreciate every tiny effort we do for him and reward us manifolds.
This reminds me of a workshop I attended years ago, SIST 2012, the Presenter proved that we humans are created with this ‘Hole’ in our hearts, this hole is essentially designed by Allah swt and it can only be filled with His love. we try in vain to fill this void with the loves of money, of spouses, even of children.
And we fail over and over again because this is a futile attempt. One may find tranquility from their spouses, but the secret of finding the contentment and peace of one’s heart shall only be in the love and ‘in the remembrance of Allah’.
‘Oh Allah! please heal and fix my heart. I rest my case.