Variegated Instances II

I

I am crying again, while sleeping, dreaming about an arid shore littered with cyan and green broken glass bottles. The waves zealously rush and smash their heads against the jagged glass and invisible blood fall everywhere, on the foam of the sea, on the rocks, on the sands and trickle on the sharp edges of cyan-green broken glass.

Each one of them once had a message, safely etched on papyrus and stored in their bellies. A mystic secret message, never delivered, never read, never understood, never felt.

The moon hung low lamenting the fate of these cursed unspoken unwritten words, sentences, paragraphs, that could fill someone’s live, that had enough potential to ensnare anyone, anyone but you.

The stars had made way to utter darkness. And the yellow moon is being fed to it as well.

I tread on. With throbbing pain pulsating just beneath my skin, too vivid but ignorable salt fills my mouth, my eyes, my senses, my everything. I break down. I transform in a bright aqua color bottle.

II

I delve deep in the sadness to write and then it lingers on, in bits, crawls over my skin, fills my vistas and captures my dreams. And I would be captivated just like that, trying to escape, trapped somewhere in the lowness of life, trying hard to break free. Sadness leaves trails and traces on me, of Goosebumps, like a charcoal line scratched by a little child on saline grim walls, like a moth’s flight, a snake’s path on the sand, a jets smoke that loiters long after it is gone…

The winds keep howling in leaves and trees and I keep wondering. About the fact that the only company I seek of is myself. That I complete the Me in the I. but still I desperately need to smile. Why is it that my ‘want’ to smile is banished? As if dementors really exist. As if the really suck happiness out of you. As if they have sucked all mine.

III

I am lurking back and forth, wobbling like a jelly, baking away the half-baked pieces, drowning in my coke of like. Time rolls over centuries, years, months, and I don’t know if it was eons ago when we were kids. In my attempts of self denial, especially everything that has something of a past, to get rid of the pain that it brings forth, I’ve somehow destroyed the most vivid and joyous ones in my brain.

Lately, I’ve been listening to our childhood trapped in magnetic tapes, our trivial attempts at recording. And I have been thoroughly emotional, it was poignant. I think the one thing we’re depriving our kids of, is childhood. Anyways, I hope spring continues. I hope it rain.

IV

The set back comes with all the glory. The air is filled with the strange feeling of eeriness. You hear you stomach churning and grinding the bits of what-so-ever you have just swallowed. The unfathomable barriers to your dreams, the extra creased skin at the ends of your lips, A perfectly juvenile heart, A not-so-juvenile self, the utmost messy room and eternal waits.

Sometimes life becomes the weird jukebox of blocks and squares and circles of myriad of shapes and sizes and colors, which range from red to blue and yellow to green and to blue and to blue.

I hope to all my rebellious moves, and to my waywardness, Allah grants me mercy and refuge. Amen.

PS. I dedicate this to Mav. for pushing me enough to write this one 🙂

24 thoughts on “

  1. i m in awe too…d way u write n express! *bows*
    i loved d second one d most…related d most to it…sadly!

    “I delve deep in the sadness to write and then it lingered on, in bits, crawl over my skin, linger on in my vistas and capture my dreams. And I would be captivated just like that, trying to escape, trapped somewhere in the lowness of life, I can’t break free despite the desire. Sadness leaves trails and traces on me, of Goosebumps, like a charcoal line scratched by a little child on saline grim walls, like a moth’s flight, a snake’s path on the sand, a jets smoke that loiters long after it is gone…

    The winds keep howling in leaves and trees and I keep wondering. About the fact that the only company I seek of is myself. That I complete the Me in the I. but still I desperately need to smile. Why is it that my ‘want’ to smile is banished? As if dementors really exist. As if the really suck happiness out of you. As if they have sucked all mine.”

    – u got all d emotions right!
    *hugs*

  2. Finally….the princess gives in…and etches words on a paper with a semblance of wetness….the kind which stains and blots ur work wen u r sad……This was utterly beautiful…..nd so I cannot stop myself from commenting on each one of does *variegated instants*….

    1] I hav always been in awe of the way your imagination treads paths unknown and sheds light on them, revealing with subtle charm the mysteries that lie among them….The way u described this…I could feel da waves smashing, bleeding all over the shore…..m a bottle too after reading dis one, though a black opaque one wid da message hidden so dat no one can see it!

    2] Luvd dis one…..sad but so very touching…Ill say u seek only your own company but then is dat wat u really seek…time as your adversity has given u experiences which make u fear or abhor da concept of togetherness, of love itself nd therefore company…but believe one of des days ull find dat smile coz in da distance ull c sumone who urges u to b happy nd offers u his arms so dat u find true comfort der! nd cherry blossoms wld rain on u! 🙂

    3] Nostalgia….has a very deep set reality about it…it makes us happy about the moments we hav cherished….but da ones we hav knowingly or unknowingly forgotten, it rakes a pain in our heart….brings tears to da corner of our eyes….i agree wid u abt da *deprivation of childhood*

    4] The rebellious u….rebel against whom do u ???? urself……or aginst set norms dat u refuse to follow…remember Asbah, da reality is dat god up der knows dat wen we do sumthng we hav a reason for it, as absurd as it may sound to oder or even to u in retrospection, bt at dat particular moment in time, u felt u wer right….besides u r special….Allah can never be angry on such an innocent soul….! 🙂
    Be urself…coz dat u is luvly! 🙂

    Thanx fr da dedication…m honoured!

    PS: dis can b deleted coz it has taken up a lot of space! 😛 😛 😛

  3. wow asbah… you leave me awestruck always… how do u do it??? your writes are really a class apart!
    *bows to thee*

    “Sadness leaves trails and traces on me, of Goosebumps, like a charcoal line scratched by a little child on saline grim walls, like a moth’s flight, a snake’s path on the sand, a jets smoke that loiters long after it is gone…..” wow… so beautifully written…

    ur post transported me to a different world altogether.. loved each bit of it… waiting for more … write soon… cheers!!!!

  4. Mav.. well, thanks a ton. encouragement does help you grow and i am growing at speed of light 😛 hehe

    point 2 relates to something deep.. like is loving u like loving myself? is my narcissism also includes (in it) you?

    ps. hehe! no ps this time 🙂

  5. I’m a message in a bottle,
    My soul holds something dear,
    Find it can you?
    Read it will you?
    Break me if need be,
    But never ever leave me.
    One day, I’ll give in,
    Opacity will disappear,
    I promise. I do. I do
    One day, I’ll give in.

  6. Mata rani!! Itna dukh dard dekh ke hanky yaad aa gaya..!!:P lol j/k

    Super duper work asbo..!!

    Ps: if it werent for Wiki, your post would have felt like ‘glu glu glu glu glu’!!

    Cheers

    PPS: Dukh,Dard hatao andolan aapke ghar se chaalu karenge..:P

  7. Femin, Thankyou 🙂

    Chris, LoL, you commented you commented, yaay … never tell rock about it, he’ll decidedly faint lol.

    Ps. Thankyou 🙂

  8. One of my fav, one of your bests. I loved it all. Brilliant Asbah, absolutely brilliant. You capture the reader’s attention so well. *Hugs* Write more and more and more. Just keep writing 🙂

  9. i am a fan of your writing!

    just keep wondering how u and mav can be so descriptive of dark thoughts

    just give me creeps, this entire thing and i mean it as a compliment

  10. hin, thankies 😀
    i’m improving .. i agree with it 🙂

    woha aparna, I am swelling 😀 Thankyou for being at my ceiling hehe… jokes apart, really, means a lot to me you know 🙂

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